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The Doorway to Awareness: A Story about Discovering Yourself through the Lens of Astrology
By Crystal Warren
Life threw me a curve ball, as it does for most people, and I found myself working at a desk job shortly after, where it hit me. There had to be more to life than this; there was no possible way the hurdles I had been jumping over, and the struggles I had trudged through my entire life to get to this cushy 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. job — with included health benefits and a 401k but no real satisfaction or fulfillment — could be worth it. Not if it meant I was this unhappy, and felt like a square peg in a round hole every day. “On the other hand, I do have loans and bills to pay, dog food to buy, and so on and so on,” I thought to myself.
Yet, I looked around and saw an office full of people mindlessly clocking in and clocking out. Waiting for the next happy hour or coffee break to come; obliging mundane small talk, or indulging in the latest office gossip just to make it through the work day. Meanwhile, I would catch myself thinking: “Wait, I’m doing this for how long? Until I can retire?! This can’t be right. I can’t do this; how does everyone do this; the happy hours and PTO are enough, how, why? What am I missing?”
But for the longest time, I was caught in this phase of “How do I change things?”
I tried everything I could think of, but it’s hard to suddenly start a new career when you aren’t sure why you’re even here. Let alone not knowing what the hell you want to do, when you seemingly have no real talents or skills to use to make a profit and be successful. And even worse, when you feel like a walking contradiction with the whirlwind of fantastical thoughts of living a life you were meant to live, but instead you lead your life with the practical work ethic that can’t stray from its societal duties. Because, again, bills, dog food, loans, taxes.
So, what now?
Three years ago, I made a bet on myself and I walked away from that corporate law firm job — where I had moved up over the years and was doing quite well for myself — in order, to connect to something bigger and that filled my cup back up. I knew, while I had the skills to succeed in that environment, it wasn’t my purpose nor was it fulfilling. It left me bitter and resentful more and more each day. I didn’t want to keep that up for another 30 years, until I could retire, even though according to society’s standards I was “succeeding” in life. It sure didn’t feel like it. It was killing my soul slowly, but surely. And left me with just enough energy to either numb, distract, or indulge with things that also did not fill me back up…instead they got me by and helped me tolerate the life I had mindlessly built for myself.
I had reached my breaking point when I felt boxed in and nothing seemed like it would give. I was tired of complaining and being unsatisfied. The only thing I felt was more and more restricted. Each aspect of my life needed to change but how I did not know.
Then one day I listened to a Podcast with this guest Astrologer, named Debra Silverman, who piqued my interest. So, being the researcher I am, I googled her and watched her Youtube videos on my Sun sign — the only thing I knew about myself at the time. I was blown away by her accuracy with some of my Capricorn traits, but more importantly her delivery and style. It was easy to listen to and genuinely take in what she was saying because she removed the “woo-woo” stigma behind it – allowing me to soften my skeptical eyes and ears. Naturally this got me more curious and led to me booking a session with her. I needed to learn more.
With her equal blend of practicality and spirituality, I figured I had nothing else to lose in meeting her where she practiced; so, I booked a solo trip to reset myself and have my reading done in person (and was incredibly grateful for the privilege and means to do so that many don’t have). I was needing to quiet the noise around me. If anything, I’d have a great trip to Boulder, which I had heard had great Turmeric Lattes and epic Mountain views. Plus, as a Native Californian living in Florida these past few years, I could use a dose of dry air and elevation. If Sting worked with her on Police’s reunion tour and Madonna has worked with her — then, hell, she might just be worth it.
I was right. It turned out to be the best decision I could have ever made.
So much was revealed to me during those 2 hours. I received many new insights, clarifications, confirmations and permissions, which in turn sparked something inside and got things stirring. I walked away with more self-awareness than I had been seasoned with in all my life’s experiences up to that point. Her delivery was informative as well as easy to understand. It was made so practical. I walked away with many tools on how to work with what surfaced during my session — making it not just informative and practical, but also applicable.
The reading served as the clearest mirror I’d ever looked into. It was like suddenly the fog had been lifted. It woke me up and made me feel alive again.
Even though I wasn’t sure who I was becoming, or where I was going, with all this newfound awareness — I was beginning to see that by taking the time to truly learn who I was, I was getting my power back (that quite honestly I didn’t even know I had “lost”). It was getting things moving inside me that was leading to what felt like inspiration and motivation to…CREATE.
Except I didn’t know what that meant — what does it mean to be ‘creative’? Up to this point, I had been living a life that was keeping me disconnected from myself. I couldn’t choose an identity to show the world because I genuinely didn’t know how to express myself freely like that. I knew I was feeling the urge to do it now though. I just needed to figure out what that looked like. For thirty years, I had never thought of myself as the ‘creative’ type, and now here I am getting to “create” who I want to be…curating a life I’ve always dreamed of? This was going to be a process in and of itself. One that I was actually excited and curious to explore for once.
Looking back now, I am so grateful for trusting those nudges in life despite not understanding the ‘why’ at the time. Instead choosing to embrace the unknown and be open minded enough to be shown, rather than ruminate over the ‘hows’ and ‘whys’.
That one astrology reading helped awaken myself to ME as well as help me understand others better. Because the delivery and approach had none of the “woo” but ALL of the insights I didn’t even know I was looking for, I was officially hooked and ready to cultivate a life that allowed me to keep diving further into this new world that had been shown to me in my darkest days.
I began to get serious about making changes and looking at what it would take to make it happen. So I did what I do best. Made a list. I made a list of words that inspired the life I wanted to create for myself. While I wasn’t sure what the end goal looked like, I without a doubt knew a big part of it was going to involve Astrology and helping people gain clarity about themselves, like I had just experienced with my reading.
Once I had that, I had everything I needed to be able to see far enough ahead to at least decide what the next step was…even if I didn’t quite know the end destination. I knew the life I was living was not aligning with the life I was wanting for myself, so I took a step in the direction that led me closer to that vision.
Next thing I knew I signed up for Debra’s Astrology school, in order to learn more about myself beyond what I got in that two hour reading. I had gotten a taste and wanted to dig deeper. I knew, if I was going to start helping others, then I needed to first help myself in all the areas I had neglected up to this point.
Fast forward a few months and this personal development work gave me enough clarity to carve out space in my life to let some of these seeds and intentions grow and manifest, which included many sacrifices like quitting my job and moving back home as well as long hard cries and journaling and therapy. As I learned who I was, the easier it became to make choices that were more intentional and mindful for my overall well-being. It allowed me to re-calibrate and align myself with a new way of living that supported the lifestyle I was envisioning for myself.
And you know what? I’ve had nothing but confirmations that I’ve made the right choice ever since. I made a bet on myself and realized what I dreamed was actually possible, and I’m never going back. Sure, it was scary not knowing what the choice I made was going to create for me, but I’ve since discovered, it does not matter if you know. What matters is that you follow those nudges in life and trust yourself, despite the discomfort and the unknowns. You’ll begin to find that everything starts to work for you, once you trust. You’ll find a spark has been made bringing you the space and the energy to imagine, create, and bring to fruition all that you desire and dream. It doesn’t mean you won’t encounter trialing times or bouts of doubt and shame, but it does allow you to connect even deeper to that inner compass and trust you’re making the right choices for yourself and your happiness. Each “coincidence” is confirmation you’re on the right track, and strengthens the trust with your inner Self.
I’ve since learned that by bringing clarity and a deeper understanding to yourself, you’re able to embody what’s truly important to you, helping you to live a more fulfilled and authentic life. If you don’t know who you are, you don’t know where you’re going. You’ll find yourself lost, disappointed and empty handed. I had to learn to fill my cup up, and do what needed to be done in order to do that so that I could embody my full potential, and truly make an impact on people’s lives.
My advice to you reading this is as soon as you stop relying on external validation and start trusting that voice inside that knows the way, the sooner the homecoming can begin. It’s all about taking the leap and trusting you remember the way home.
Everything comes full circle, and I am so grateful I get to offer this same gift to you through my work. Ultimately, I want to help you understand yourself and the world, so you can live life in balance with what’s around you. To soften the rigid exterior you feel keeps you safe. To lessen the resistance around change, and to ease into the acceptance of what it is like to be you fully and wholly.
If you’re curious and want to discover your Self through the lens of Astrology, then contact Crystal today!